A Testing Time
by oldmule
Summary: A Christmas visit from the new departmental psychologist. Hopefully a few smiles and some baring of emotions.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimers. kudos to Kudos. Other names well and truly made up.**

**By the way, thanks for all your reviews generally, I keep forgetting to say which is very rude, but they are greatly appreciated and keep me chained to my laptop, writing like a woman possessed. **

"Oh dear god."

"Harry, have you found religion?"

"If it meant I didn't have to do this, you could ordain me now."

Alec laughed, not that he was any keener than Harry at the surprise psych. visit.

"It's a new psychologist apparently, with lots of new ideas." Ruth raised her eyebrows.

Harry sighed and rolled his eyes.

"And she's American" added Ruth.

"Oh, merciful heaven."

"I'll get the dog collar now then shall I?" said Ruth to Harry.

"Can't they wait until after Christmas?" asked Beth.

"Want to get us when are defences are down," Dimitri said "when we're all awash with the Christmas spirit and feeling soft and fluffy."

The all looked at Harry.

"Bah Humbug" he said deadpan.

"Okay so maybe we're not quite soft and fluffy," continued Dimitri, "but I think they pick now because we're more vulnerable."

"Vulnerable to what?" asked Beth.

"Loneliness and regret." Said Alec. He knew about both.

So did Ruth.

So did Harry.

* * *

"Briefing room, now" Harry said moodily.

They all gathered, looking to Harry. He said nothing. They looked to Ruth wandering if she knew what was going on.

"Harry, what's going on?" she asked.

"The shrink", he said it with true disdain and inverted commas, "wishes to see us all together. Don't ask me why."

"Why?" said Tariq.

Harry glared at him and Dimitri sniggered.

"Good afternoon, everyone, I'm Easter Chenkovsky." With that the new departmental psychologist entered the room.

There was the odd nod and a smirk at her name from Dimitri but not much else in returned greeting.

"Today will be the first part of my assessment of your psychological health and well being."

Ruth could practically hear Harry's teeth grinding and knew he would be pouting in most spectacular fashion.

"I don't, however, wish to conduct any session this afternoon."

"Thank the lord," muttered Harry.

"Mr Pearce, may I say I would rather you didn't blaspheme."

"It's Sir Harry"

"I do beg your pardon." She looked abashed to have got the etiquette wrong.

"Forgiven, Easter," he said. Tariq and Dimitri smirked.

"So I'll be back on Friday."

"Good. Friday." Said Harry. Alec smirked.

"And Monday."

"Sorry, Easter, Monday?" said Harry, it was lame but Ruth laughed.

For a psychologist, Miss Chenkovsky appeared seemingly unaware of Harry's somewhat childish games.

"Yes, Sir Harry, Friday and Monday. I will, however, be setting you a little homework before then."

There were a few less smiles around the room.

"Got your attention now. Good. What I require you _all_ to do" and at the word 'all' she pointedly looked at Harry, "is to take one sheet of A4 and on it write a list of three things, your fears, your regrets and your hopes. Personal and professional."

There was some sighing from within the room.

"I know you think you don't have time for all this, but you will benefit from it, besides which, if you wish me to recommend that you all continue working here you have no choice, so the best thing is to get on and do it. I need you to be honest, open and truthful. I will never read what you have written, only you will know that, that's why the truth is essential as you need to be truthful to yourself. When we meet, you will share with me only that which you wish to share with me, no more and no less, but I would hope you find it a helpful and insightful exercise."

The faces were unconvinced.

"So, I shall see you on Friday. Any questions or problems," she said, "Please call me. Bye."

They looked at each other.

"Bloody hell." Said Alec, 'I'll need more than a piece of A4 for that."


	2. Chapter 2

Ruth sat at home, a glass of wine in her hand, listening to some music. On the table in front of her lay a blank piece of paper. Lying next to it a cheap ballpoint pen. She looked across the room, at nothing in particular and wondered where to start.

Fears, Regrets, Hopes.

* * *

Harry sat at home, at his desk, a whiskey in one hand, a fountain pen in the other. He slowly and deliberately put the top back on the pen and placed it down next to his piece of A4 paper. He looked at it. Something smaller would have sufficed.

Regrets – Ruth

Hopes – Ruth

Fears – No Ruth

He went to refill his glass.

* * *

Ruth got to the end of the reverse side of the paper and realised she had no more space. She glanced at what she had written.

Fears – Half a page

Regrets – A page and a half

Hopes – A line

She put the pen down, scrumpled the paper into a ball and threw it into the bin.


	3. Chapter 3

Easter Chenkovsky sat on a small leather sofa. She waited.

Tariq walked back on to the Grid.

"Your turn," he said to Ruth.

She sighed, leant into her bag and picked out her paper.

"How was it?"

"Fine. She's not that bad really. She said I'd been really honest."

Ruth said nothing and walked away.

As she walked across the grid Alec and Dimitri started humming the funeral march.

She gave them a sarcastic smile and clutched the rolled paper in her hand a little tighter.

* * *

"Sit down and please, call me Easter."

Ruth sat.

"You have your 'homework'?"

Ruth unfurled the paper on her knee.

"Aah," said the psychologist.

"I found it difficult to be brief," said Ruth as she looked at the three pieces of A4.

"You like to be thorough."

"Yes, I do."

"You like to feel you have explored every avenue?"

"Yes."

"And have you, is that a comprehensive list?"

"I think so."

"Perhaps, by the time we have finished you may feel you can condense it to something a little more manageable." Easter smiled.

Ruth nodded.

* * *

"Where's Ruth?" said Harry as he left his office. He needed her to find something for him.

"Not out yet." Beth replied.

"What? How long's she been in there?"

"About a week and a half," joked Dimitri.

"Two hours," said Beth.

"Two hours!"

Harry marched from the grid.

* * *

Even as he opened the door, he was knocking. He looked at the two women in the room.

"I need Ruth," he said.

Neither moved, nor said anything.

"Now." He turned away leaving the door open.

Easter looked at Ruth. "Will you keep working through it, as we have, and on Monday bring in a single piece of paper? Do you think you can do that?"

Ruth nodded, got up and walked to the door.

* * *

"Is everything alright, Ruth?"

"Fine, Harry."

"What the hell was she doing with you in there?"

"I think my list was a little long."

He laughed. "Wait till she sees mine."


	4. Chapter 4

Monday morning came and Ruth's list was considerably shorter.

"Morning Ruth," said Easter Chenkovsky.

"Good morning."

"How did you get on?"

Ruth pulled out the single folded piece of paper.

"That's good," said Easter, the improvement immediately obvious.

'I tried to be methodical and brutal as you suggested and identify what really mattered."

"Did you find it difficult?"

"I shouldn't, it's something I do every day at work. But I find it more difficult when it's personal. I think I over complicate it when it's personal."

"When did you realise that?"

"This weekend, whilst trying to get three pages down to one." Ruth smiled. For all that she hated this kind of thing she did think that it had helped her a little.

"So, what does it say?"

Ruth looked at the single sheet and wondered how much of it she should reveal to the stranger opposite.

* * *

"So Harry, what's on your list?" asked Alec as Harry walked onto the grid.

"Not a lot," was all he got.

* * *

Ruth put down her paper. She didn't have any answers but some things were clearer in her mind. And it actually had felt useful to share some of her regrets and fears. Her hopes, though, they were private.

"Thank you, Ruth," Easter said warmly. "Would you mind asking Dimitri to come in?"

* * *

"How did it go, Ruth?" asked Alec as she sat down. "Did you learn anything?"

"Easter's got a sister called Ascension and a brother called Resurrection.""

"You're joking?" Alec was aghast

"No, you think so." Ruth grinned.

* * *

"Regrets? I have a few, but then again, too few to mention, but I did what I had to do and saw it through, without exemption."

"Thank you Dimitri, but I think you'll find that's a song. Now back to your list, please."

* * *

**Sorry but fluff will come anon. As will Harry's interview.**


	5. Chapter 5

"So Sir Harry, have you completed the task I set you?'

"Indeed I have."

"Would you like to share it with me?"

"What would you like to know?"

Easter was wary of him but she didn't want him to know that. Unlike the others there was no sign of a piece of paper clutched either nervously, or defiantly in his hand, though that did not surprise her.

"Regrets, Sir Harry?"

He took a deep breath.

"I regret many things," he said.

"Such as? What's on your list?"

"Names really."

He wasn't going to make this easy.

She raised her eyebrows and waited.

"Ros, Lucas, Danny, Jo, Zaf, Colin and more, far, far too many more. That part of the list is almost endless."

She nodded. "And personally?"

"Personally….." he glanced out of the window "relationships gone wrong, family failures."

"Want to elaborate?"

"No."

"Fears?"

"I won't make a difference when I need to."

"And?"

"And I'll be sat chatting about my personal feelings as the country descends into chaos."

She tried to remain patient.

"And I suppose your hopes would be to get out of here without further ado?"

"Oh, you've read my list." Said Harry dripping with sarcasm.

"No, strangely enough I haven't, Sir Harry. I'm not really convinced you've written one."

"I have actually."

"Sure, you have." She said and stood up, frustrated by him and by herself for showing it.

He reached into his inside pocket and produced a folded sheet of A4 and he smiled.

There was a knock at the door.

"Come in," called both Harry and Easter, which annoyed both of them equally.

Beth stuck her head around the door, "Sorry to interrupt but we need to know if you still want us to begin the surveillance we mentioned?" she didn't want to say too much in front of Easter.

"Yes," said Harry, "In fact I'll come and brief you on it."

"No, no, it's fine, Harry, don't worry, we're all sorted. You stay there," she smiled and disappeared quickly.

Harry looked at the door having lost his escape route, Beth would pay for that later. Suddenly the paper in his hand was gone. He turned.

Easter held it and looked challengingly at him.

"You said we would be the only ones to see what we'd written?" he stated coldly.

"Yes, but you haven't written anything have you?" she said unfolding the paper. Her face revealed her surprise that indeed he had written a list, admittedly a very short list, but a list nonetheless.

She sat back in her chair and looked from the paper to him.

"Do you want to talk about this?"

"No" he said, "I think not. We've said enough already." He got up and walked out.

"Sir Harry'" she called, "I believe you should take your list with you."

She proffered the paper, he snatched it back and returned it to his pocket saying nothing more.


	6. Chapter 6

Harry stomped back to his office. "Bloody woman" he muttered, crossing the grid.

Dimitri and Alec both raised an eyebrow.

Beth stayed hidden in the kitchen, she'd seen the look Harry had given her as she'd closed the door downstairs.

Five minutes later Easter entered the Grid, she glanced at Harry's office but remained well clear of it. She looked around and then moved over to Ruth's desk. In her hand she held a piece of A4.

"You left this," she said, "I didn't know if you might want to keep it?"

Ruth took the proffered paper, "Thank you."

"Well, I best get off, before Sir Harry comes after me."

"Did it not go well?' Ruth smiled, imagining Harry had probably been quite difficult.

"Oh, not too bad, I believe" and she smiled as she turned away, "Bye, Ruth."

As the pod doors shut Harry emerged from his office. "Never again. Bloody lists and pieces of paper and psycho babble," he muttered moodily. "Where's Beth?"

"Gone out" said Dimitri.

"Making tea," said Alec.

They looked at each other as Harry turned for the kitchen.

Ruth smiled and absentmindedly unfolded her paper.

"Ever again and you'll back on a boat to South America" Harry was busy threatening Beth. He strode out of the kitchen and caught the look on Ruth's face. She was staring at him and unusually for her, she didn't look away.

"Everything okay, Ruth?"

She didn't move for a few moments and then nodded, still without taking her eyes from him.

"Good," he said, far from convinced but returned to his office vowing never to let that bloody psychologist in to mess with their heads again.

Ruth finally looked away from the retreating Harry and her gaze fell back to the paper in her hands.

_Regrets – Ruth_

_Hopes – Ruth_

_Fears – No Ruth_

It was Harry's handwriting. She'd know it anywhere.


	7. Chapter 7

If I've got his paper then who's got mine?

Ruth's head shot up.

"Where's Harry?" she said urgently.

"Gone out."

"When?"

"About 5 minutes ago, got his coat, left. Do you need him Ruth?"

"I….it's just…I think there's…." she stopped. Shit.

* * *

Harry needed some fresh air. He walked to the river, bought a coffee and leant, watching the world go by. A sea of faces surged past him.

Some, he thought, appeared shrouded by fear, they wore it like a top coat; others had hope shining from them, unchecked and innocent; almost all, he decided, were haunted by some regret or other. He reached to his pocket and pulled out his list. He wondered what that bloody woman had thought, as she read the thoughts of some sad and lonely…..he stopped.

This wasn't his list.

* * *

"Easter Chenkovsky, please."

"I'm sorry, what was the name again?"

Ruth repeated it.

"I can't find anyone of that name. It is rather unusual."

"Well, she should be there, she works in your department."

"Have you got her mobile number?"

"Yes I've tried that, it seems not to be working." Said Ruth looking at the card Easter had left.

"Hang on, a sec." The phone became slightly muffled and she heard the woman call out, "Does anyone know an Easter Chenkowski?"

"Chenkovsky," corrected Ruth.

There was some background chatter before someone said "no, but I know an Eve. Christmas Eve." Laughter.

"No, I'm sorry, no one knows her. Have you got the right department?"

"Don't worry about it," said Ruth looking at the screen before her, "bye." The screen told her the woman was right.

Easter Chenkovsky did not exist.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Regrets. Fears. Hopes.

* * *

**_

_Regrets._

_I regret seeing the people I care about die._

_I regret that so many good people are gone._

_I regret that I have not always told them how much they mean to me._

_I regret my hesitancy._

_I regret listening to gossip above listening to my feelings._

_I regret trying to rationalise everything in my life._

_I regret using the tube instead of the bus._

_I regret going to Cypus._

_I regret coming back from Cyprus._

_I regret letting Nico go so easily._

_I regret feeling too little grief._

_I regret how my job desensitises me._

_I regret my cat dying._

_I regret blushing._

_I regret having to go to so many funerals._

_I regret not always making the right decisions._

_I regret me._

_Fears._

_I fear dying for nothing._

_I fear failing._

_I fear letting people down._

_I fear the death of those close to me._

_I fear living without them._

_I fear I will never be capable of trusting myself to care._

_I fear being lonely._

_I fear being happy._

_I fear living._

_Hopes._

_I hope he won't give up on me.

* * *

_

* * *

It was Ruth's list.


	9. Chapter 9

Harry read the list for the fifteenth time. He was trying to get past his emotional response to it and instead understand it. He wanted to rationalise it, to know when it was to him she was referring. He didn't want her to regret making the wrong decisions, he didn't want her to be afraid of life. Yet no matter how detached he managed to be, it kept coming down to that last lonely line.

_I hope he won't give up on me._

Never Ruth.

* * *

"Easter Chenkovsky does not exist." Said Ruth to the team.

"What?"

"She's not real."

"But, I told her about my fear of…"

They all turned to Dimitri.

He stopped and looked away.

"About your what?" asked Alec, sensing there was something embarrassing lurking ready to be mercilessly exploited.

"Nothing," said Dimitri defensively, "told her nothing."

"Did she take any of your lists?" Ruth asked, hoping it wasn't just her.

They looked at each other shaking their heads, "No."

"You didn't leave them, forget them?"

Again, "No."

"Why, Ruth?" asked Beth, "Did she take yours?"

"She gave it back to me." She didn't tell them she had Harry's list.

"I don't get it." Said Dimitri.

"We need to check the grid and the server." Tariq said and got up.

"When was she in here, actually on the Grid?" Beth, too was on the move.

"Last Wednesday when she came to the briefing room," said Alec.

"And today when she said goodbye to me" added Ruth. They could think of no other time when they could have been compromised.

"We need to tell Harry, ring him Ruth," commanded Dimitri.

She sighed and reached for the phone.

"Harry."

"Ruth."

"Are you nearby?"

"Yes. Do you want to come and get some fresh air, Ruth?"

"No."

"Sorry, I just thought…"

"No, Harry, Easter Chenkovsky is a fake. She doesn't exist."

"What? How did she get through all the checks?"

"We're looking now and we're making sure the Grid hasn't been compromised."

"I'm on my way, Ruth." He was already halfway back to Thames House.

* * *

"Anything?"

"Nothing, Harry. We can't find a damn thing on her." Alec answered.

"Did anyone tell her anything remotely sensitive?" Harry made sure he avoided looking at Ruth and she him. The rest all looked at Dimitri.

"Dimitri?" questioned Harry.

"It was personal,"

"Could it have compromised us?"

"No."

"Only him, if we ever found out what it was." Alec laughed.

Harry glared at him, "I think we've all probably shared more than we should with that bloody woman."

Ruth worried.

The rest wondered what Harry had shared.

"Now find her." He said and strode back to his office.

A few minutes later, Ruth followed him and slid the door open.

"I believe I have something of yours," she said and offered the folded piece of paper that was Harry's list.

He looked at her, his face giving little away as he took it and opened it reading the three solitary lines at it's centre.

He turned back to her.

"Easter gave it to me, I thought by mistake, but now I don't know."

"Thank you," was all he said.

Did he have her list, she wondered for the umpteenth time, surely now would have been the moment for him to say something, but nothing.

With nothing more forthcoming she turned to the door.

She wanted to tell him that the simplicity of his list would not leave her. That it was etched in her mind. That she felt a responsibility for his hopes that frightened her. That she was his only focus made her want to flee and embrace him all at the same time. She reverted to type and chose to flee.


	10. Chapter 10

Easter Chenkovsky was an enigma, an enigma with a ridiculous name.

The combined power of Five could find nothing on her.

"Nothing?" said Harry.

They sat in the briefing room.

Five heads either shook or looked on blankly.

"From what you can tell has she accessed anything?"

"No," said Tariq.

"Planted anything?"

"No," said Alec.

"Taken anything?"

"No" said Ruth, though she wasn't sure about her list.

"She's like the bloody ghost of Christmas past," pronounced Dimitri, "dragging us through our past lives, all of that regret and fear rubbish."

"Yeah, what was it you're afraid of again?" Alec didn't miss his chance.

"Enough." Said Harry. He didn't like mysteries.

"Keep looking," he said, "There must be something."

They got up and left the table. Alec still nudging Dimitri. Harry stayed. Ruth hesitated.

"Go on, Ruth. I know there's something else."

"There may have been something she took."

He raised his eyebrows.

"I think she may have taken my list."

"What makes you think that?"

"I don't have it. She gave me yours."

"Right."

"I know it seems unimportant but I thought I should mention it."

"Yes, thank you, Ruth."

She hesitated again.

"Was there anything on your list that may cause us any problems?"

"No."

"Any embarrassment?"

"No only for me. It was very personal."

"And honest?"

"Yes, honest, I think."

He nodded. Then I don't really know why she would take it do you?"

She shook her head and turned from him. He watched her go.

By the end of the day nothing was clearer. Harry told them to go home and look again tomorrow with fresh eyes.

He emerged from his office pulling on his coat to a near empty grid.

"Ruth, would you like to go and get a drink?"

"Now?" she said.

"Yes, unless you want to do the same searches for the fiftieth time?"

"Fair point," she smiled.

"I could murder a pint, or if you'd prefer we could go and have a gluwein at the Christmas market?"

"Yes, that would be nice. I keep forgetting it's Christmas, if that doesn't sound ridiculous?"

"No, it doesn't." He knew exactly what she meant.

They leant against the railings by the river and clutched the cups, warming their hands. They hadn't said very much. There were so many sights and sounds and smells here it let them hide from the things they wanted to say.

"It's good to get out" he said after a while.

"Yes, it is."

He smiled as he watched a boy do battle with a hot waffle. The band had begun to play again. Every so often someone would walk past them and start singing along with the carols they were playing.

He glanced to his left and saw she was looking up. He followed her eyeline but could see nothing.

"What?"

"I thought I could feel it snowing."

She looked excited and disappointed.

"Do you like the snow, Ruth?"

"Of course, who doesn't like snow?"

He smiled at her.

"What else do you like?"

"I like gluwein" she said and took a sip, "I like music, I like the smell of fresh rain on the pavement, I like gerberas, I.."

"Gerberas?" he asked.

"Flowers"

"Oh, right, thought you meant gerbils."

She laughed.

"You should laugh more, Ruth, it suits you."

She ignored him. "I like grass that's just been cut and I like the sound of the grid when no one else is there and I like the sound of church bells on a Sunday morning."

"So your perfect day would be a sudden shower on a Sunday morning, near a church where the grass had just been cut and gerberas grew in the churchyard with a choir singing just before it began to snow."

"That's about it, I guess." She laughed again.

"I'll have to remember that for next time we're in a churchyard." He said it softly.

She glanced at him and looked away again. 'Next time,' she thought.

"There's a lot more out there to live for than to fear ,Ruth."

"Is there?"

"Yes, it's all there waiting for you when you want it. You shouldn't be afraid to be happy."

She looked at him and the softness in her eyes disappeared and turned to shock.

"You've read it."

He nodded. "And you should never worry that I'll ever give up on you."

She turned to the river and away from his intense eyes.

"I have to go," she said and she was gone.

**More to come later. Got to go out for a bit as my other half is sick of me sitting at the computer ignoring him!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Not sure how many of you are still with me here but we're cutting to the chase now and I suspect there's probably only one more chapter to go and all will be explained. **

Ruth knew she was doing it again, even as she walked away.

You're running because you're scared, you're running from what you want but you're afraid to have, Ruth. He's seen the list, he's not laughing, he's telling you he's still there, he's telling you to take a chance and be happy.

Harry looked out over the water and blocked out the contented, festive sounds all around him. Must he always get it wrong, could he never find the right words for her?

Would she ever trust herself to be with him? He sighed a sigh that his father would have said came from his boots.

He felt a hand on his arm and half turned his head.

"Harry, I'm sorry, I do want to be happy," she said and put her hand on his shoulder and reached up kissing him tenderly on the lips. As he overcame his surprise and went to slide his arms around her she was gone again.

"Ruth," he called out before she vanished into the crowd, she turned, smiled shyly at him and was gone.

* * *

The following day Harry came onto the Grid late after another Whitehall meeting, it was lunchtime. Ruth's desk was empty. He had thought of her all night and throughout the meeting his attention had been with her. He had thought of her looking up to feel the snow flakes that weren't there. He had thought of her lips on his. He had thought how she had come back, this time she had come back. The test of today would be if she had retreated from him again.

Bereft without her for the moment, he went to his office. He worked his way through a pile of post, spectacularly uninteresting but for two things. One a Christmas card from Malcolm which wished him a Happy Christmas and hoped Harry had appreciated his present, his teaser. Confused he wondered if the present had got lost in the post or was to follow. But then something else caught his attention. It was a plain envelope, blank and not even sealed. He opened it. He pulled out a plain piece of paper, it appeared to be blank but as he fully unfolded it he saw it was not blank, at its centre was written only five words but he thought they were possibly five words which would bring him the greatest elation of his life.

_What makes me happy: Harry._

That was it.

**Fluff and explanations to come.**


	12. Chapter 12

He was about to go out and find her, wherever she was he would find her. Nothing was going to stop him. He pulled his coat back on, left his office and marched towards the pods, as he quickly glanced to make sure Ruth had not returned he stopped stock still and then he started laughing. Beth, Dimitri and Alec all paused in what they were doing.

"Harry?" said Beth, "have we missed something?"

"Oh yes, Beth we certainly have."

He shook his head and smiled some more.

It was at this moment that Ruth came through the pod doors already in the process of taking off her coat.

She looked at him smiling and nervously wondered if it was because he had found her note.

"I know who Easter Chenkovsky is," he said to everyone present, including Ruth whom he had just registered.

"Who?" said Dimitri.

He smiled.

"Who, Harry?" asked Ruth.

"Malcolm."

"I'm sorry but Easter was most definitely not Malcolm, not even in drag, not even after an operation or six." Scoffed Alec.

"It was Malcolm, he's just sent me a Christmas card hoping I liked his present, his teaser."

They still looked at him blankly.

"Teaser?" said Beth.

"Yes, teaser."

"Teaser….anagram, Easter," said Ruth.

Harry laughed.

"No, I don't believe it." Beth exclaimed.

"He set up a hell of a legend for what must have been a hell of an actress."

"But why, I don't get it." Dimitri was still confused.

"He wanted us to face up to our feelings," Ruth said not daring to look at Harry.

"What did he hope to gain from that?" asked Dimitri, still thinking about what he had told this mystery woman controlled by Malcolm.

"He wished to give us the best Christmas present, the only thing we ever wanted," said Harry.

"Well, I don't think he came any where near to achieving that" DImitri was distinctly unconvinced, though Beth and Alec were beginning to see the point.

"Oh I think he did," said Harry and he very slowly and very deliberately started walking towards Ruth, she resisted every urge she had to run and hide. He stepped close, close, very close to her and put his right hand to the back of her neck and pulled her face to his and met her lips and kissed her for all the world as though it was the last kiss any two human beings might share before the world was due to end. The Grid stopped breathing en masse.

He slowly released his hold on her but kept her face close and his eyes focused on her, such that she would not dare look away.

"Ruth, I love you. Don't be afraid. You'll be happy. I promise you, I _will _make you happy. Marry me, Ruth. Marry me and I'll make you happy. I swear. I swear by Malcolm, I swear by Easter Chenkovsky. I swear on my life you won't regret it, Ruth. Just say yes, please just say yes."

He looked at her startled face and hoped.

Beth, Dimitri and Alec looked and hoped.

Tariq came in and realised he'd missed something important, he didn't know what but he looked at them all and for some reason he felt himself hope.

"Ruth?" whispered Harry.

She said nothing.

Time stood still.

"Ruth, please."

"Yes, Harry, yes, a thousand times yes."

He kissed her and she knew he was telling the truth and she thanked Easter and she thanked Malcolm and she no longer regretted herself and she no longer felt afraid to be happy.

* * *

**Pos epilogue to come if I can think of something funny and worth it. Hope you've generally enjoyed.**


	13. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

"Ruth! Ruth quick!"

She ran downstairs expecting some travesty with the turkey at least. The back door was open, suddenly she wondered if something really had happened.

She raced to the door and down the step.

"What? What's wrong?"

Harry looked up.

Ruth looked up and she felt the cold wetness hit her face.

"It's snowing," he said, somewhat unnecessarily.

"Oh, Harry," she looked so excited that if he didn't already love her he would have done.

"Are you happy, Ruth?"

"Well….." she said haltingly.

"What do you mean 'well'?

"Well…"

"Ruth?"

"I was going to say, if you'd let me finish.." she looked at him.

He said nothing and waited.

"I was going to say that, well, on a scale of 1 to 10, I'm at about…"

"Yes?"

"…Ten."

He smiled, "Oh right then you won't want this then," he said teasingly holding something in his left hand unseen.

"I think I might."

"No, not if you're so happy. You don't need it."

"I've slipped to a 7, now give me it, Harry, before we dip below 5."

He laughed and opened his palm. Lying at his centre was a simple but truly beautiful diamond and sapphire ring.

"Oh, Harry" she said and took it eagerly from him and slipped it on her finger.

"How are we doing now, Ruth?"

She looked adoringly at him for a moment.

"Oh past 10, in fact we're off the scale, Harry. Way, way off the scale."

"Come inside out of the snow and show me. Show me Ruth."

"What about the turkey?"

"Stuff the turkey" he said and kissed her, dragging the door shut behind them.


End file.
